$5 Therapy

It is no secret that mental health is important. It is probably one of the most important things for us human beings to maintain. Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more people posting mantras about self-care. Which led me to thinking about how I personally take care of my own mental health. While some people find that going to a therapist soothes their mind and overall well-being, I never felt as though that approach was the one for me. To be completely honest, my way of easing my mind and taking care of myself is probably more expensive than sitting down with a professional.

When I have just about HAD IT with thinking for the day, I tend to go on a nice lengthy drive and blast music. Whether it is the middle of the day and I can roll down the windows, or late at night and I am enveloped in the sound, driving is my therapy. I guess you could also say good music is a form of therapy for me as well. What many people don’t know about me is, I tend to overthink everything. This can be extremely stressful for me, whether I decide to show it or not. I could treat myself to an extra cup of coffee and then proceed to overthink about how that $3.50 is going to affect my bank account in 6 years. While my brain is constantly in overdrive, I have a hard time putting my thoughts into actual words when I am feeling overwhelmed. Most likely because I don’t even know where I would begin. That is part of the reason I never felt the need to sit down with a therapist and talk about all the things bothering me. I know how to alleviate the stress and I also know my brain loves to make a bigger deal of things than necessary.

Now, you might be thinking, isn’t driving and listening to music just a temporary fix? To which I would say, yes. However, for myself, if I can settle my mind and space out for even just thirty minutes, then I can come back to reality with more clarity. When I get a chance to relax, that is when I can decipher between what is an actual pressing issue in my head, and what is just being dramaticized.

I titled this $5 Therapy, thinking I was being super clever because of the fact that Spotify for students is only $5. However, if you’re including mileage of my relaxation drives……I don’t want to talk about it. I think it’s good to find what works for you when it comes to mental health. Some people can swear by going to a therapist, but still leave the session feeling as if something was left unsaid. Now I know late night/mid-day drives may not be for everyone. I just thought I would shine a little light on what i do for self-care. Essentially, taking care of your mental health is the base work of self-care days. If your brain isn’t in a good state of mind, your whole body will be out of line. I wish I could say that this was going to be another post in which I include a playlist I made for my therapy drives. However, every music streaming service I know of has sections of playlists that are made specifically to wind down. If you’re into that kind of thing. Personally, I always will be listening to something upbeat. I’ve only mentioned that about nine HUNDRED times here.

Whenever I head to my local bookstore, I always like to read a little bit about music and the mind. I always used to think I was crazy for believing in the power of a good playlist more than the next person. When reading, I always find little facts that differ from book to book. However, the most common fact they always state is, to listen to your body. Every person’s mind and body reacts differently to certain types of music. Apparently, those goosebumps you get during your favorite song, is a wave of adrenaline washing over you. Which in a scientists perspective, is a really good sign. So, they basically say to strive for that feeling whenever listening to something that you intend to make you feel better. I know this blog is starting to look like an anti-sad music kind of page, but I have never gotten goosebumps from a sad anthem. The artist could win best vocals at the Grammys for a sad song and I still would be thinking, “Can we change this to something else?”

What was the moral of this story? Ummmm that music is the cure for everything?? The moral of all my stories on here?? The moral is, therapy isn’t always black and white like some people make it out to be. When people talk about taking care of mental health, you always read about therapists and going to see one. For the people that find that method helpful, I say keep at it! However, for people who do not see that as something they think would be the best self-care method, try something else! I also say, while venting to your friends can be super helpful, essentially the only person who knows your situation is you. Friends can offer some great advice, but at the end of the day they still may not have the full picture. Nobody can feel what you’re feeling, so make sure you are getting the right care your brain needs. For me, that care is blasting music and taking a break for a little. Find what works for you and keep at it!

Billie Freaking Eilish

As some of you may know, Billie Eilish is an artist that took 2018 and made it her bitch. For someone like myself, it is always fascinating to watch artists blossom. Sometimes, when it happens this quickly, it really has me wondering how it happened. Was it just luck? Opening for the right act? Becoming friends with the right person? How do these small breakout artists really take the charts by storm?

Believe it or not, “Ocean Eyes,” Billie’s take-off single; came out in the year 2016. However, it didn’t fully reach popularity until artists in 2017 started remixing it. Around this time of sudden popularity, Vanity Fair decided to interview her as an up and coming artist. Still naive to the inner workings of the industry, Billie gave an enthusiastic interview about who she is and what is to be expected from her. Cut to 2018, they conducted a follow-up with the same questions, but exactly 365 days later. Almost 20 million people have seen this side-by-side interview and the comments are eye-opening. However, we will touch base on that later.

So, who is Billie Eilish? Why is she so popular now? Apart from her amazing music, I really wanted to pick apart who she is, with the little information she probably shares about her true self, on social media. For starters, I believe breaking out on the charts has to do with calculated luck in the algorithm. Every streaming service for music has one. I started to believe that Billie was just popping up on people’s feeds at the right time. Which, very well may be the case. However, I think a lot of it had to do with the people she was touring with and the festivals she played. People do not recognize how powerful the combination of word-of-mouth and social media can really be. Say Billie Eilish was performing at Lollapalooza one year and there is a celebrity in the crowd. All that person would have to do is post about how amazing she is, and off go people to Spotify or Apple Music to stream her songs. That is where the algorithm starts to come into play. If in a short time frame, people are all of a sudden streaming this one artist, the app is going to assume EVERYONE is going to want to do the same. Eventually, Billie ends up on Ones To Watch, and Top 40 Songs playlists overnight.

Now that she is so popular, she has to decide what she wants her image to be. In the 2017 Vanity Fair interview, her personal style was already a tad tomboy-ish. She was wearing chains, big sneakers, and baggy clothing. However, her silver/purple hair and subtle/glowy makeup were still very feminine. On her Instagram, @wherearetheavocados, you can kind of see her transform through social media’s eyes. With every picture, her clothes get baggier, and her smile becomes more non-existent. Personally, I do not like her style at all. I have a couple friends who agree, and we have all had heated conversations about it. However, I always say the same thing, it’s her “brand.” When Lady Gaga first came into fame, her style was WACK. Now that she has become more established and self-aware, her fashion has changed completely. I think when it comes to self-image, Billie is just trying to figure out who she is, while still maintaining this boy-ish vibe.

Now let’s talk about her music. Her voice has to be one of the most angelic voices I have ever heard come out of a 17 year old. When “Ocean Eyes” became popular, it was such a beautiful melancholy tune. At the time, I would have labeled it as something more “Indie.” The more she released, the less I was able to categorize her into a genre. However, referring back to her 2017 interview with VF, that is part of her vision. Not being confined to a definitive musical box. My two favorite songs of hers at the moment are: “Bellyache” and “bitches broken hearts.” With the song “Bellyache,” I love how beautiful her voice is in comparison to the tragic lyrics. She even stated herself, the lyrics are simply about murder. She is singing an upbeat tune about killing her friends. What’s not to love about that? Again, FBI agent in my computer, I am just kidding. When listening to her album though, you will realize that a lot of her songs are very sad. It could be reflective of what she is going through in the industry. The way she is handling growing up in the public eye. In her 2018 interview with VF, she flat out said that everyone in the industry is sad. Other artists may be hiding it by singing about the great times in their lives, however, Billie is very transparent about the things going awry. With the song, “bitches broken hearts,” she is really tapping into that melancholy vibe. With little instrumentals in the background, her voice takes center stage. She simply is singing about someone missing her, but being in denial. It’s honestly an empowering song, with a rainy day attitude.

Lastly, I want to talk about the controversy surrounding her 2018 follow up interview. I had watched it when it came out and thought about how much she had changed looks-wise. Her style was edgier, her hair was blue, and her eyes looked tired. However, recently a friend of mine has become really enamored with Billie Eilish’s presence. She was talking about the interview, which brought me to watching it again. The comments stunned me. The majority were talking about how sad she looked now, and how naive she was in 2017. To me, yes, she does look a little bit more sad. Becoming famous overnight had put a lot of pressure on her, as she states herself. I can’t imagine how tiring it must be trying to figure out who you are, while also trying to battle the pressure of what the world wants you to be. While I do think she looks exhausted and sad, I also think that is just a part of her age. She is so young and growing up in front of now 12 million people. Talk about overwhelming.

When it comes to Billie Eilish, I have always been in awe of her voice. I think that this is just the beginning for her, and her talent is going to take her so far. I think she is going to take 2019 by storm. With the many festivals she is set to play, Coachella being a big one, she is going to have a busy year. I think it will be interesting to see how she grows musically and fashionably in the next several months. I also hope she doesn’t let the pressure of the industry get to her. The world can sometimes be a cruel place, but I think she will use her art to heal herself and her fans this upcoming year.

YEAR IN MUSIC: 2018

WE MADE IT. WE SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR.

Is it just me, or was 2018 not AS bad as people were making it out to be? To be fair, we all go through different struggles. With that being said, I just did not think it was the most awful year to date. However, I did think the year in music was a little more garbage than most. Feel free to disagree.

The reason I am under the impression that 2018 was just a giant “bleh” when it came to new music, is because of the Spotify “Wrapped” playlist. Every year, the music streaming platform dedicates a whole playlist to your most listened to songs. In doing so, they also enjoy reminding you of your previous year’s playlists. While I look forward to this EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR, I was a little disappointed to see what 2018 brought me compared to my previous years. My top songs were as predicted. At some point in the year, once I have found a song I can’t stop listening to, I like to see if that said song will become my most played song. Usually, I am never wrong. What can I say, your girl LOVES that repeat button.

Upon looking at my 2018 year in music with a slight hint of disappointment, I decided to take a peek at 2017. Let me tell you, THAT PLAYLIST WAS ABSOLUTE FIRE. It is currently January 17th, and I am still listening to it. So much so, that I am wondering if some of these songs are going to make a comeback on my 2019 playlist. Don’t get me wrong, 2018 had some absolute bangers. I just don’t think there was anything mind blowing. Which for me, is a really big loss. After seeing my playlist, I was talking to a close friend about my disappointment, to which she said she agreed. She basically stated that 2018 just seemed like it was “there” and nothing really amazing seemed to happen. We were kind of talking about life in general, but I think that tied into our year in music as well. I want to save this discussion for a later date, but I think music is a key factor in telling how our lives are going. While 2018 had some of my favorite songs and releases, nothing really struck me as WOW. The Weeknd released a mini album that shook me to my core, but to me that is nothing too influential in the REALM of music itself. Only because he can come out with an album of white noise, and I will go around saying it changed my life.

So why is that? Were musicians just going through an “eh” year like the rest of us? Or, is this post just extremely biased? Like the saying goes, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” this could have been a year of musical treasure for some people. I also like to think of this as a positive. Usually in years where music doesn’t have that big WOW moment, it generally means musicians are hard at work creating something amazing. For me, with 2017 being such a bomb year musically, most of my artists were probably on tour or in the studio. I literally cannot be mad at that. With that being said, it wasn’t completely awful. I was still so excited to listen to my playlist and reflect on the year itself. What I was experiencing in real life was extremely reflective in what I was listening to. I encourage you to listen to your playlist again and see the same.

I am keeping today’s post short and sweet. Just because I not only want you to go listen to your playlist again and think about how 2018 was for you, but because I am going to as always, link my playlist. Which means, I also want you to try and figure out where you think my 2018 was going, and where it is leading me in 2019. In listening to your playlist, maybe jot down the good and the bad. If there are some sad songs, think about that time you were upset and if you can do anything different in 2019. The happy songs take note of, and think about the good times you were blasting those. Try and keep those good vibes alive in 2019, but maybe with some new tunes. Most of my posts are meant to spark a conversation in your own mind. Since I am always blasting my opinion loud and proud, I want you to think about how yours compares. 2019 we are going to be “WOKE” about our musical opinions and we are going to use that mindset to drive and motivate us in all aspects of life. Buckle up, there are great things in store.

Thank U, Next

Lately, I have been thinking about the weird dynamic between grieving and listening to music. We have all made a playlist for when we experience heartbreak, or when we are super happy, or even when we are extremely angry. However, has anyone ever made a playlist to listen to when someone passes away? Honestly, if you have, major props to you. I genuinely can’t even imagine what I would title a playlist like that? R.I.P? Seems a little insensitive, or maybe I just have no way of making memorial tunes.

As many of you reading this know, I recently lost someone very close to me. While I have been moving forward and trying to enjoy life as best as I can, it can sometimes be difficult to process a loss. For me, music is the answer to everything. I mean, come on, I have a freaking playlist for when THE PURGE happens. How can I not think of a playlist to get me through this struggle? The reason is, when something so shocking happens, there is no set musical tone you can vibe into to feel right again. For me, I have focused on sticking to the same good vibe tunes as always. Shuffling my usual songs; putting certain ones on loop for hours. To me, that is just my normal. So, why would I stop that?

I just think it’s funny how different types of grief work. I mean, breaking up with someone and having your heart stomped on is a form of grieving! (I am the most single person ever, so I only know from my friends’ experiences). People all over the world make playlists for it, hell, there is even a Spotify curated MOOD for it. How come there isn’t a mood board selection for when people pass away? Would that be too morbid? Just a playlist of sad organs playing on loop for hours sounds miserable, actually. I believe it is because no person grieves the same as another. Some people lay in bed and turn on the “Songs to cry in the shower to” playlist. Then there is me. Continuing to drink vodka Redbulls and scream the lyrics to Starboy in the middle of a bar. Does that mean I’m not sad? No. Am I going to ask the DJ to play Hello by Adele? Also, no.

Some people like to soak in their sadness, and that’s okay! Other people like to avoid it until further notice, I think that’s okay too! Whatever music gets you through the best times, should be listened to when you’re going through the worst times. At least in my opinion. No shade to my friends who love to be sad and listen to their depressing anthems. I love you just the same. However, I challenge you sad music loving creatures to add a happy tune in there when you’re really going through shit. I mean, I hope nobody ever has to go through anything sad and tragic, but I also know that is not how the world works. If you know me well, then you would know that I love to turn even the shittiest of shit into the brightest of situations. While this particular one has really taken a toll on me, music has genuinely helped so much. As cheesy as it sounds, everyone has that one thing that will guide them through it all. Take a second to think about yours.

While it is so easy to feel as if you have lost touch with the ones you’ve lost, or even with reality, bring yourself back with that one thing that makes you happy. For me, lately I have been listening to my friend’s favorite songs. We had extremely different taste in music, sometimes it makes me feel as if they aren’t too far away. However, I then have to come back to my roots and blast Ocean Drive on repeat for 24 whole hours. I am writing this because I want my friends out there to know that no matter what you are going through, there is always a light. There I go being cheesy again, gross! It’s true though. For me it’s the power of music, the whole reason I began this blog in the first place. For someone else, it could be the power of Orange Chicken from Panda Express. A lot of people look to me as their little guide to all things music related. So, for those of you who have been wondering, no I have not even touched sad tunes since this all happened. That should be all the proof you need, that you don’t have to worry about me too much. If you ever hear me blasting the Titanic soundtrack though, call the police.

This post is just a huge shout out to music. I wish the world of music knew how impactful it really is. I also wish Spotify would sponsor me already…maybe one day. This is also a huge shoutout to my friends and family, sending me good vibes and motivation throughout the weeks, even in the times that I just wanted to nap instead. The musical juices are now back and flowing! Which means these posts are just going to get longer and more annoying!

XOXOXO, bet you missed me!

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My 3 Minute Interview From Hell

It’s Friday. What should be the best day of the week, right? Here I am, getting ready for my first big interview. I cannot put into words how absolutely stoked I was. For anyone who doesn’t know, this was going to be one of my first REAL interviews in LA. I was going to make the drive from Orange County to try and prove to someone that after a year of rejection emails in my inbox, I deserve to be in this industry.

Let’s take it back a couple days. I am sitting in my room debating if I really want to get out of bed and spend another $5 to sit in a coffee shop and apply to jobs. Of course, I am Snapchatting everyone asking if I should waste the money or not. Then, out of nowhere, my friend sends me $5. The caffeinated push I needed! So, there I am. Sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops, with my coffee jitters, applying to jobs. Anyone close to me knows that this is no strange occurrence. I spend days at a time sitting in coffee shops for hours on end just hitting “send application.” So to me, this was going to be just another day. I send in an application that reads, “Talent Agent Assistant/Trainee.” To be completely honest, I applied to this one on a whim. It seemed a little too good to be true; that something was posted from the general line of work I wanted to be in.

Fast forward to an hour later. It is 2pm and I get an email that reads, “Call me at 3:15 for your first initial screening.” FIRST OF ALL. Not only am I excited, but I am full on internally panicking. How can someone prepare for an initial interview in only an hour???? I was still fully fueled from my caffeine binge, so my confidence was at an all time high. I spend the next hour writing down notes, questions, and anything else I may want to know about this position. The website I apply to most jobs on, lists everything as confidential. This means, the company name is not disclosed, and there is little to no information on the actual position itself. So, I was going in blind. 3:15 rolls around and I make the call. The man that answers the phone, let’s call him Jimmy, seemed awesome. He was straight forward, honest, and seemed to be a laid back guy. He told me that the job was going to be extremely stressful and that I should only be looking at it if I truly wanted to be there. I assured him that I am very serious about this job and I would do anything to work hard in the industry. He then proceeds to ask if I am available to come in for an interview the next day, in Beverly Hills. There is no way I can turn down this opportunity, so I tell him it will be no problem.

Friday rolls around and I make plans to get to LA with plenty of time to spare. Anyone who has taken the 405 North at any time in the afternoon, would understand why I felt the need to leave 4 hours early. I get to my friends’ apartment to change and grab a quick coffee before hand. My energy was undeniable. I had never felt more ready and confident for an interview in my life. Anyone close to me knows, that my passion for things is contagious. I am sitting in this coffee shop before my interview, mapping out the rest of my life in LA. Where will I move?? What will I do?? I had no idea, but I was so excited. That is the energy anyone should have before going into something big. Interviewers can almost smell your level of confidence from the minute you walk into the room. I get dressed, and drive another 40 minutes to beverly hills in heavy traffic.

Upon arriving, I am given a parking ticket and a specific spot to park in. Seemed very exclusive. Me being me, I memorize the suite I am supposed to be in, and confidently walk to the elevator. I am adamant on not asking for directions, even if it means being severely lost in the meantime. I arrive about 15 minutes early, and decide to go in. What’s the worst that can happen? They make me wait? As I walk in, I am greeted by a man who steps out of an office, wearing what appears to be sweats or a track suit. Honestly you can decide what is worse, and keep that image in your mind. As I go to shake his hand, I realize this is Jimmy. The man I spoke with on the phone. Immediately I can sense that he is not the super laid back person I thought I was talking to the afternoon prior. I am just really keen at feeling a person’s vibe right away. He takes me into a conference room and has me sit down. He instantly starts spewing a few questions I am totally prepared for. However, I was also trying to determine if the tone of his voice and the way he was phrasing things, was meant to be a scare tactic. If it wasn’t a scare tactic, then I was left to assume that Jimmy has a shitty personality, and that’s why he has been struggling to keep an assistant. This went on for about 3 minutes. Then, he gets up, tells me he just wanted to “get a feel for me and look at me in person.” He thanks me for my time and has me leave. As I am walking out, there are other people waiting in the lobby-ish area. In my head, I was wishing them luck because they looked absolutely terrified.

As I walk out of the suite, I am internally shaken. So many things were running through my mind. Why was that so short? I really came all this way for this? Why was that so judgmental? Did it seem like he was basing this off of looks? I looked okay, right? He really didn’t offer to validate my parking? As I am overthinking like I usually do, I realize how messed up of a situation this actually was. While I was bummed, I definitely couldn’t be sad. This was a great opportunity nonetheless, and I got my first taste at what the entertainment industry is really like. It almost fueled my desire to be in it, even more. I wanted to make it and rise above people like Jimmy. Who were superficial while interviewing, even though they were dressed in sweats. If I wanted to be judged based off something that had nothing to do with my actual experience, I would audition for a reality TV show.

This experience was a good learning lesson. It reminded me that for what I want to do, I have to have an extremely thick skin. This doesn’t mean emotions have to be off the table. Believe me, I spent a maximum of 5 minutes crying angry tears, before realizing my worth again. It’s okay to feel discouraged after something you believed was going to be so exciting. Especially if you went out of your way, only to be shuffled out and pay $5 for 10 minute parking. I think everyone can take note from this. If you’re interviewing people where you work, make sure you’re doing it appropriately and for the right reasons. If you are going into a big interview, just remember the results don’t define who you are as a person. This can be applicable to any industry. For me, I am using the frustration to motivate me to work harder, be better. For anyone else, take this as guidance. Not everything will turn out exactly how you want it to, but it is the outlook you hold that will define the situation.

Life Is Beautiful

I feel as if I need to preset this post with a disclaimer. There were no disasters this year. For those of you who were fans of my Coachella posts, this journey will be nothing like them. The festival was an actual breeze, and I couldn’t have been more reluctant to leave. If we are being completely honest, I did not even feel this upset leaving Indio…let that sink in.

Let me set the scene for you. Las Vegas…oh boy. Sounds like a migraine, right? Upon doing some research, I realized that Life Is Beautiful was going to be the first major festival since the heart-wrenching Route 91 shooting. At the time, I didn’t really think anything of it. However, now that I am home, I realize what an amazing comeback this was for music in Vegas. Not only were they super tight on police and security, but the concept of this festival was, I guess you could say, beautiful.

Before I take you through the amazing experience as a whole, let me tell you about my first impressions. Upon walking in, there are signs EVERYWHERE with the title “Life Is Beautiful.” Now at first, I was thinking, “HELL YES, THIS IS MY FESTIVAL MOMENT.” Then, it started to dawn on me. The billboards were not only reiterating that life is beautiful, but that everyone there was beautiful as well. Now I know this doesn’t seem THAT amazing, but just think about how you would feel seeing those words. Everyone is going through shit, whether they acknowledge it or not. So, not only are the illuminated signs reminding you where you are, but they are also reminding you that life in itself is beautiful. You can’t help to feel good, right? We have all had those days where we wake up and feel disgusting. Maybe some people woke up that morning, got ready for the festival, only to find out that they were having a bad hair day. That can be really discouraging for some. However, walking into the festival, you automatically feel good about yourself. My favorite sign, is probably the cheesiest one in all of downtown. It read, “Life Is Beautiful With You.” HOW FRICKIN CUTE IS THAT. When I looked at it, I wasn’t thinking about me specifically, but the people I was with and the experience I was already having. After a horrible tragedy, Vegas definitely needed the positive affirmations.

All this positivity definitely helped shape the weekend for me. This is the first festival I have ever been to besides Coachella, so my expectations were obviously high. However, I slowly realized that the two are not comparable. As is probably the case with every other music festival as well. The setting, experience, people, and vibe are completely different. So let me take you through my weekend, briefly.

While there were PLENTY of bodies packing downtown, the festival in itself was small. With Coachella, you are battling not only your personal preference of artists to see, but also compromising with your friends. There are just too many options in my opinion. At Life Is Beautiful, the lineup is more spread apart. Giving time for breaks, and seeing everyone you AND your friends want to see. Also, there is more time for $16 vodka redbulls and that’s all that matters right??

I’m sure it is no secret to anyone, the real reason I decided to go to this festival. I made this expensive decision solely on The Weeknd being a headliner. No other day mattered. When Friday night rolled around, my friends were the most amazing people in the world. They kept telling me that it was my night. Possibly sacrificing someone else they wanted to see, for little me. Just hearing that after four years, took everything to a new level. If you are sick of reading this already, please just scroll to the bottom, where I left a short little surprise. It not only was my mood Friday night, but would soon become my mood for the whole weekend.

While I would love to explain in detail how amazing every artist was that we saw, unfortunately that would take ages. The important thing to note, is that yes, I did only fork over hundreds of dollars for The Weeknd. However, instead, I not only got to see my favorite artist, but to experience an incredible weekend in itself. I absolutely LOVED every artist we saw Saturday and Sunday, and also got to rekindle my flame with a couple artists I may have already seen in the past. I made new friends, which is the absolute BEAUTY of the whole thing. I went into this knowing one person, and came out with all new festival buddies.

The moral of this story is essentially, LIFE IS FREAKING BEAUTIFUL. I absolutely see myself in Vegas next year for another go around. I can’t wait to experience the new wave of artists and cheesy quotes that downtown has to offer. Not to mention, I can’t wait for the next festival I get to experience. Before this weekend, I was very one track minded. NOTHING could be better than Coachella, right? So wrong. While the post festival depression is still in half swing (don’t worry I may post about it LOL), I keep looking at my videos with a huge smile on my face. I loved being fully in my element, and if you needed a reminder today….Life is sooo beautiful with you!

 

(Ever get to see your favorite artist for the first time ever?? LMAO)

Fangirl (Volume 1)

If you are new to my life, then you probably would have never known that for a small portion of my existence, I was a Twitter legend. Just kidding, but I did run a gnarly fan account for what was considered to be the BEST boyband of our generation. You may be wondering, why this says Volume 1. Well, to put it simply, one cannot just write about 3-4 years of madness in one sitting. I need to take you from beginning to end, without forgetting about all the shit in the middle. So, let’s dive in to my life as a professional fangirl, shall we?

The year is 2012. I am a Junior in High School experiencing what I considered at the time to be “the worst time of my life.” Competitive swimming was my life, and all because of one bad grade, I was taken off the team. My cherished spot on the CIF team, given to someone who didn’t work nearly as hard as me. At least I had my club swim team right? Wrong. My coach who believed in me, and pushed me to be the best even when I came up with the worst excuses, had resigned. Leaving me with the coach who thought I was insufficient because I didn’t meet his “superior height” image for his perfect team. So, without hesitation, he demoted me training groups and gave some BS reason as to why. However, not only did he do that in front of my training group, he humiliated me in front of the entire aquatic center. Naturally, I chose to quit and give up. In hindsight, the BEST decision I ever made. As a young teenager though, it seemed like the end of the world. I was going to use swimming to get into a good 4 year college, now what was I going to do? It was tough to mentally grasp at 16, and to say I didn’t fall slightly depressed would be a lie. I gained weight, didn’t really do much except on weekends, and overall just did not want to talk about my feelings.

One day, I was on my Twitter exploring my feed, when I see a username that at the time didn’t seem normal. Fan accounts for musicians now are so prevalent, they are normalized in society. However, when I was 16, it was extremely rare to just see that without even being one yourself. I wish I remembered who it was, because we honestly might have become friends for a short period of time. Not to mention, they completely opened my eyes and started this whirlwind for me.

I am sure nobody here is a stranger to the band name, One Direction. They were the EPITOME of High School for me and so many others. I loved them, but did I ever think I was going to become a crazy fan account for them? Absolutely not. There just seemed to be no gain. It looked like a psychotic social media cult on display for the world to see. However, if you know me, you know that crazy shit is really intriguing to me. I just had to try it for myself. I bit the bullet and turned my average twitter account into a fan page for a boyband. Now, I know what most of you are thinking. “This is pointless, why would you run a page for a band who will never know you exist?” If you are sitting here with that mentality, then the rest of this series is going to blow your mind. I’m not being a hater though, I completely felt the same way when I first started.

Now, what was next to do? I have my first username of many and I am ready to let the world know how passionate I am about hot guys who can sing! It took a little bit before I finally told my close group of six about this ordeal. Again, since it wasn’t normal, it probably would’ve raised a lot of red flags. It took even longer for me to tell my parents. They were the ones who showed me so many videos as a kid about stranger danger and not meeting people online! Here I was, doing the exact thing I was told would get me abducted. However, with technology being so booming, it was easy for my friends and family to just consider this part of their normal life as well. It’s not like I was acting any different, I would go to school and then after maybe talk to my internet buds for a little bit. So simple, yet so complex at the same time, you’ll realize why soon.

The rest of this series will kind of take you along the steps of how I gained so many followers, made so many friends, made connections with so many other musicians and talented artists, and even made connections with members of One Direction themselves. For all of my friends who know me through Twitter, writing about this may seem pointless. It was so short-lived and really was just normal life for us. However, I know so many people to this day who still have so many questions about how it all happened and what it was all for. Plus, for those of you who have met me and my friends and asked, “how did you meet?” and become incredibly confused, this will give you a new perspective. These are stories I am sooo excited to tell, and can’t wait to relive them and reflect on my younger self’s actions with you all.

G-Eazy and Halsey are BACK??

Originally, I began writing this when the breakup first happened. However, now that it appears they are BACK TOGETHER, we can really get into why I think the breakup was one of the dumbest things I’ve witnessed. So, a little over a month ago I woke up to the news (Twitter) freaking out about the split. Me being me, I was like “I called it, I knew they were bad for each other!!!!!” I go to Instagram and see Halsey has posted a petty picture of her looking hot with her dog. I believe the caption was something along the lines of, “kiss my dog on the forehead and then kiss ur ass goodbye.” I was sitting there like, wow go OFF sis. Then she’s commenting weird emoji’s on his tour photos, just really out here trying to ruin his life.

If you know me, you know I live for drama that isn’t my own. So, naturally, I am excited to go see G-Eazy in concert and hear him perform Him & I. The song is ALL about his relationship with Halsey, where he even name drops her a couple times. Come concert day, I start to convince myself he won’t play it, it would just be too awkward. IT COMES ON. I am ready for petty. It happens, instead of saying Halsey in one of the lines, he points in the crowd and says, “this girl.” A bitch is SHOOK. First of all, LOVING how petty he is being, when I am pretty sure he is the one who cheated. So, we all got it, the confirmation we needed that this shit was over.

BUT THEN. SUDDENLY. A WEEK AGO. Paparazzi pics surface of the two holding hands. They aren’t your typical “couple gets back together after blasting each other on social media so they are hiding their faces” photos though. These two are kissing, looking like they are having the best time, looking like they did not just flame grill each other all over the media. Naturally, I am talking to all my friends and I am like “WOW. SO TOXIC.” As if we all haven’t been guilty of doing the same exact thing. As if we didn’t just watch The Weeknd and Bella Hadid do the same thing a year ago.

So, why do we love this back and forth so much? For me, even though I acknowledge it is a toxic thing to see, I also semi-feel as if I could relate. We all have psycho boys, or have had, that we have blown up on. Only to have them come crawling back sooner or later because you’re just THAT amazing. Maybe we’re also just all jealous in a super secret way. I mean I know I would be ECSTATIC to have Gerald come crawling back to me. Even though we all know the motto, “Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater.”

While this does seem like the ranting of a lunatic, or someone who just really ran out of content and needed something to do, I really did think this was an interesting topic. I know SO many of my friends, whether they are fans of either of them or not, have so many different opinions on this. One of my friends called me TRASH because I still backed G-Eazy after he cheated. Does she not know I am a ride or die bitch?? ANYWAYS. If you are reading this and completely disagree and think that this breakup/makeup is truly the greatest thing ever, PLEASE let me know. I am worried about you.

 

(P.S. Can’t be mad when Halsey posts all these hot pics of G on her Insta amirite???)

Who is Lostboycrow?

When creating this section of Surfing the Soundwaves, my mindset was to eloquently force an artist I have loved for a while down everyone’s throat. While they may not be new on MY radar, I have a feeling they will be on yours.

Let’s talk about Lostboycrow. The appeal for me in the beginning, besides his awesome music, was the mystery of figuring out his real name. Not to mention, he has a super deep song titled “Real Name,” which basically talks about how important names really are in our identity of ourselves and others. REAL INTELLECTUAL SHIT HERE. Now, it may be easy to just google him and find out what his actual name is. However, his identity for me is now deeply rooted in his powerful music.

As with everyone else, I have trouble picking a favorite song, mainly because my moods fluctuate each week (Cancer season is 24/7 with me). However, that doesn’t mean I can’t rant for hours about certain songs and why I love them so much. With Lostboycrow, I feel like you can really hear his emotions and his passion in every song. I am not saying other artists don’t give off the same vibe, but he is unique. For me, they are songs that have an awesome beat, but really make me reevaluate my life. Which, some people may hate, and some people may love. My favorite part of music, is feeling as if I can relate to the person singing. That for me is always a stand out feature. This factor is also another reason I feel like this artist is going to BLOW UP THE CHARTS in the very near future. Whether we all love or hate reevaluating our lives based on how songs make us feel, we can all come together and agree that we want to feel understood. There is nothing better than turning on a song with your friends and screaming, “MEEEEEE” at certain lyrics.

Right now, my favorite song by Lostboycrow is, “Devil’s in the Backseat.” If you have ever driven with me, you have probably heard this at some point. This song is such a relatable, zone out on PCH kind of bop. It’s a little bit scandalous, but in the most storybook kind of way. We have all experienced a little bit of mischief, without it being aggressive like in most Rap songs. For some reason, the line in the song that stands out the most to me is, “Keep me in the lines, 87 on the 405.” While plenty of other lyrics are my favorite, this one really makes me wonder what time of night they are driving at. There is no way you can be going 87 on the 405, is that a lyrical myth?? I need answers.

When writing this, I decided to do a major throwback to the first song I ever heard by him, “Love Won’t Sleep.” Most people who know me would be extremely confused on how I used to listen to this song on repeat all the time. I never opt for slower songs, unless I am desperately trying to go to bed. With this song, it is so sweet and mellow, it doesn’t make me sad. Those are the slow songs I can’t do, the sad ones. Listening to this song now, in comparison with “Devil’s in the Backseat,” it is awesome to not only see the growth of this artist, but also how much he has stayed the same. Most people think you need to conform to what’s “hot” right now in order to make it. Thus, losing themselves and what made them unique and great in the first place.

Lastly, one of my favorite songs is, “Thursday.” This was my OG sunset drive down PCH song. I still listen to it on my drives to coffee shops, or when I just want to go on a drive. It reminds me of Laguna Beach, and seeing the water appear as you go over that one hill.

As much as I would LOVE to over analyze every single song this boy has ever made, I figure you can just listen for yourself. Also, check him out on all his social media. He’s an actual sweetheart and if you tweet him or DM him, he sometimes responds. Those are also the best moments to share with an artist, talking about their music, or other things. Especially knowing that artist will one day in the future have so many dms, they won’t even check anymore. Definitely take advantage of getting to know this beautiful little soul and all his lovely heartfelt songs.

 

(I wish I could give photo creds, but google did not have a link, so shoutout to whoever you are!)

The New ABC’s

As much as I like to think of myself as a creative person, I found this idea when coming across another music dedicated blog like my own. It’s basically the musical ABC’s. The concept is to pick a song that starts with each letter of the alphabet. Seems easy, right? Off the top of my head, I can already tell you that I am not too sure I know any songs that start with the letter ‘X,’ however you know I am going to hunt. I thought this would be a fun activity to do that may even inspire other people to find their favorite songs based on the infamous way we learned our letters. Unfortunately, I went wrong in thinking this would serve as a stress relieving game. I also made it a game to try and pick the first song to pop up with that significant letter, which Spotify made sure to make very challenging! With that being said….welcome to MY new wave ABC’s.

A: Acquainted-The Weeknd

B: Body Like A Back Road-Sam Hunt

C: ‘Cause I’m A Man-Tame Impala

D: Dreams-Fleetwood Mac

E: Eastbound-MANILA GREY

F: Freak Like Me-NoMBe

G: Gotta Get Away-Vista Kicks

H: Hurt People-Two Feet

I: In My Feelings-Drake

J: Just For Tonight-James Bay

K: Killer-Coleman Hell

L: Love Lies-Khalid

M: Might Not-Belly

N: Nevermind-Dennis Lloyd

O: Ocean Drive-Duke Dumont

P: Pray For Me-The Weeknd/Kendrick Lamar

Q: Question-Lauv

R: River of Forgetfulness

S: SHC-Foster The People

T: Touch-Great Good Fine Ok

U: UnFazed-Lil Uzi Vert

V: Vibe-Fly By Midnight

W: Wait-Maroon 5

X: XO TOUR LIif3-Lil Uzi Vert (wow i actually had one!!!)

Y: You Don’t Own Me-Grace/G-Eazy

Z: Zombies-Childish Gambino (had to search for this bad boy)

Of course, me being me, I debated making this into a playlist. Most of the songs I listen to everyday, which is probably why they were my top chosen. Alas, I chose not to put it into a little organized cluster for once. BUT, if you would like me to….your wish is my command. So 100% let me know.

(Idea creds go to: youshouldhearblog.wordpress.com)